Third movement of Bach d minor concerto with Shalev Ad-El as soloist and conductor with Musiva Viva Amsterdam. TV recording from Brno int. festival October 1992
23 December, 2008
"Daniel" (Live)
The Goddess Tori Amos sings her rendition of the timeless Elton John classic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oC5H3fGbcpo&feature=rec-fresh+div
After all these years and recent developments - this song still brings tears to my eyes. Regardless of whats happened in the long ago past.
Anyway, here's the original...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oC5H3fGbcpo&feature=rec-fresh+div
After all these years and recent developments - this song still brings tears to my eyes. Regardless of whats happened in the long ago past.
Anyway, here's the original...
21 December, 2008
20 December, 2008
18 December, 2008
Cellist Matt Haimovitz and Uccello play Kashmir by Led Zep.
This was actually so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes. However, please refer to my earlier post on this song where the Gypsy Violinist played the same song - with only 3 other musicians accompanying her! Anyway - you can see it here: http://dv8ion.blogspot.com/2008/08/gypsies-playing-kashmir-by-led-zep.html
17 December, 2008
Holiday "Funnies"
A CHRISTMAS STORY
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that 3 of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to put it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
The 12 Steps of Christmas
On the twelfth day of Christmas my (biological - shudder, shudder!), family gave to me…
12 Shrinks A Shrieking
11 Crack-pipes Cracking
10 Uncles Drinking
9 Aunts Denying
8 Sisters Crying
7 Brothers Fighting
6 Cousins Kissing
5 Valiums
4 Thorazines
3 Prozac’s
2 Black Eyes
And another year of Therapy.
CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCHIATRICALLY CHALLENGED:
SCHIZOPHRENIA:
Do you Hear What I Hear?
DEMENTIA:
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
NARCISSISTIC:
Hark, the Herald Angels Sing…
About Me…
MANIC:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...
PARANOID:
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER:
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you why...
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire...
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
…(better start again!)…
DEAR SANTA...
Dear Santa:
You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December.
Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! (While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter), I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity!
WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A FUCKING YO-YO, a STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS!! What the FUCK were you THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH!?! That you've taken me for a SUCKER THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR, to come out with some SHIT LIKE THIS under the damn tree. AS IF YOU HADN'T FUCKED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE SHITHEAD ACROSS THE SREET SO MANY FUCKING TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS DAMN HOUSE!
Please don't let me see you come to my house Next Year! I'LL FUCK YOU UP! I'll throw rocks at those STUPID ASS REINDEERS OF YOURS, AND SCARE THEM THE FUCK AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS EVERYWHERE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT FUCKING BIKE, YOU PUNK BITCH!
You know what Santa, FUCK YOU!!! Next year you'll find out HOW BAD I CAN REALLY FUCKING BE...YOU'VE BEEN STEPPING ON THIS MOTHERFUCKER FAR TOO LONG! SO WATCH YOUR BACK NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
Gay Santa…
Santa Is A Woman… Unless he's gay!!!
Couldn't be, could he?
He's into fantasy; has a stocking fetish; is a shopaholic; is into fancy dress; would do anything for a party; has no children of his own, nor a woman in his life; will go anywhere at any hour of the night; has a harem of 'elves'; is madly creative; and is still game to take all night to do what he used to do all night... And what about the sugarplum fairies?
And those songs with camp words:
'Don we now our gay apparel...'
'Santa Claus is coming...'
[There must be more]
He's into 'different' reindeer - one of which is called Prancer!
I wonder!
Dear God, unless he's a pedophile. Oh no!
Holiday Eating Tips
Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat.Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's The Holidays!!!
If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free, lots of it. Hello?
Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the centre ofattention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.
If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.Same for pies: Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat… Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but please avoid it at all costs. I mean, have some standards.
One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have an amazing day!
If Santa answered his mail honestly...
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv bena gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
---------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
Merry Friggin’ Christmas Everyone… And Fuck You Too! LOL!!!
The Fucking Night Before Christmas, Dammit
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house everybody felt shitty -
- even the mouse.
Mom at the Whorehouse
and Dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung for my piece
to see what’s the matter.
Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment:
it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in that moment
the fat fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney
with a thunderous fart:
That son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart,
He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"
The Night Before Christmas:
Italian Style...
Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"
When what to my Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!
Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"
As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.
"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"
Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"
SANTA IS A WOMAN!
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the shopping bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd also have the transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
-Men can't pack a bag.
-Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
-Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those
elves.
-Men don't answer their mail.
-Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as
anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
-Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
-Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to
pick up women.
-Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:
-Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
-Cupid flies around carrying weapons. (GAY!).
-Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.
But not Santa!!!!
3 Wise Women and One Better...
We all know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men...
1. They would have asked directions
2. Arrived on time
3. Helped deliver the baby
4. Cleaned the stable
5. Made a casserole
6. Brought practical gifts and ...
7. There would be Peace on Earth.
What if there were Three Gay Wise Men instead?
1. They would have done a fabulous parade towards Bethlehem in full auburn/gold sequins gown to match the low "Star of Bethlehem" lighting.
2. Arrived early
3. Helped deliver the baby AND dressed it up in a gorgeous butter cream-colored 100% cotton throw.
4. Cleaned the stable AND redecorated it in a "western" theme to match the animals, complete with perfectly-centered mirror ball hanging from the wooden beams.
5. Would not have made a casserole but a flawless entrée of Chilean sea bass dusted in cocoa powder with Guatemalan mangoes in a light chutney mix, mashed potatoes with a light cream fennel sauce and Anjou pears with yogurt cream cheese and Grand Marnier swirls, topped off with a caff/half caff cappuccino con panna.
6. The practical gifts would have included items from the new Martha Stewart Living collection
7. Peace? How can you have peace when the entire night just screams for a drag number?!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that 3 of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to put it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
The 12 Steps of Christmas
On the twelfth day of Christmas my (biological - shudder, shudder!), family gave to me…
12 Shrinks A Shrieking
11 Crack-pipes Cracking
10 Uncles Drinking
9 Aunts Denying
8 Sisters Crying
7 Brothers Fighting
6 Cousins Kissing
5 Valiums
4 Thorazines
3 Prozac’s
2 Black Eyes
And another year of Therapy.
CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCHIATRICALLY CHALLENGED:
SCHIZOPHRENIA:
Do you Hear What I Hear?
DEMENTIA:
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
NARCISSISTIC:
Hark, the Herald Angels Sing…
About Me…
MANIC:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...
PARANOID:
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER:
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you why...
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire...
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
…(better start again!)…
DEAR SANTA...
Dear Santa:
You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December.
Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month! (While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter), I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity!
WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A FUCKING YO-YO, a STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS!! What the FUCK were you THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH!?! That you've taken me for a SUCKER THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR, to come out with some SHIT LIKE THIS under the damn tree. AS IF YOU HADN'T FUCKED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE SHITHEAD ACROSS THE SREET SO MANY FUCKING TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS DAMN HOUSE!
Please don't let me see you come to my house Next Year! I'LL FUCK YOU UP! I'll throw rocks at those STUPID ASS REINDEERS OF YOURS, AND SCARE THEM THE FUCK AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS EVERYWHERE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT FUCKING BIKE, YOU PUNK BITCH!
You know what Santa, FUCK YOU!!! Next year you'll find out HOW BAD I CAN REALLY FUCKING BE...YOU'VE BEEN STEPPING ON THIS MOTHERFUCKER FAR TOO LONG! SO WATCH YOUR BACK NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH!
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
Gay Santa…
Santa Is A Woman… Unless he's gay!!!
Couldn't be, could he?
He's into fantasy; has a stocking fetish; is a shopaholic; is into fancy dress; would do anything for a party; has no children of his own, nor a woman in his life; will go anywhere at any hour of the night; has a harem of 'elves'; is madly creative; and is still game to take all night to do what he used to do all night... And what about the sugarplum fairies?
And those songs with camp words:
'Don we now our gay apparel...'
'Santa Claus is coming...'
[There must be more]
He's into 'different' reindeer - one of which is called Prancer!
I wonder!
Dear God, unless he's a pedophile. Oh no!
Holiday Eating Tips
Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat.Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's The Holidays!!!
If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free, lots of it. Hello?
Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the centre ofattention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.
If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.Same for pies: Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat… Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but please avoid it at all costs. I mean, have some standards.
One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have an amazing day!
If Santa answered his mail honestly...
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv bena gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
---------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
Merry Friggin’ Christmas Everyone… And Fuck You Too! LOL!!!
The Fucking Night Before Christmas, Dammit
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house everybody felt shitty -
- even the mouse.
Mom at the Whorehouse
and Dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung for my piece
to see what’s the matter.
Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment:
it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in that moment
the fat fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney
with a thunderous fart:
That son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart,
He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"
The Night Before Christmas:
Italian Style...
Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"
When what to my Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!
Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"
As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.
"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"
Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"
SANTA IS A WOMAN!
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the shopping bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd also have the transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
-Men can't pack a bag.
-Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
-Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those
elves.
-Men don't answer their mail.
-Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as
anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
-Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
-Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to
pick up women.
-Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:
-Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
-Cupid flies around carrying weapons. (GAY!).
-Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.
But not Santa!!!!
3 Wise Women and One Better...
We all know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men...
1. They would have asked directions
2. Arrived on time
3. Helped deliver the baby
4. Cleaned the stable
5. Made a casserole
6. Brought practical gifts and ...
7. There would be Peace on Earth.
What if there were Three Gay Wise Men instead?
1. They would have done a fabulous parade towards Bethlehem in full auburn/gold sequins gown to match the low "Star of Bethlehem" lighting.
2. Arrived early
3. Helped deliver the baby AND dressed it up in a gorgeous butter cream-colored 100% cotton throw.
4. Cleaned the stable AND redecorated it in a "western" theme to match the animals, complete with perfectly-centered mirror ball hanging from the wooden beams.
5. Would not have made a casserole but a flawless entrée of Chilean sea bass dusted in cocoa powder with Guatemalan mangoes in a light chutney mix, mashed potatoes with a light cream fennel sauce and Anjou pears with yogurt cream cheese and Grand Marnier swirls, topped off with a caff/half caff cappuccino con panna.
6. The practical gifts would have included items from the new Martha Stewart Living collection
7. Peace? How can you have peace when the entire night just screams for a drag number?!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
11 December, 2008
A Very Kitty Catmas - Kitty Xmas Parodies...
A Cat's 12 Days of Catmas:
On the twelfth day of Catmas my human gave to me:
Twelve bags of catnip!
Eleven tarter Pounce treats,
Ten ornaments hanging,
Nine wads of Kleenex,
Eight peacock feathers,
Seven stolen Q-tips,
Six feathered balls,
Five MILK JUG RINGS!
Four munchy house plants,
Three running faucets,
Two fuzzy mousies,
And a hamster in a plastic ball!!
A Cat's Favorite Catmas Carols:
Away in a Basement
Bark, The Dopey Doggie Sings
Cats Rule the World
Celebrate Catmas!
Claws on the Rooftop
Fluffy, the Snowman
God Rest Ye Napping Kitty-Cats
Have Yourself a Furry Little Catmas
I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claws
Jingley Balls
Joy to the Curled
O’ Come All Ye Selfish
Purring All The Way
Silent Mice
The First Meow
‘Twas the Night Before Catmas
Up on the Mouse-top
We Wish You a Merry Catmas
Wreck the Halls!
A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Spooky climbed onto the table, poked his paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter.... Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Catmas, my kitten accompanied me....
On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Spooky had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly *tail* in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at it with a pair of tweezers.
On the third day of Catmas, my kitten wrecked for me...
13 ornaments on my Catmas tree. My mistake was forgetting to chain the decorations to the branches. My other error was leaving the room to go to the bathroom while Spooky feigned sleeping under the tree. How was I to know the kitten was actually measuring its climbing potential? Value of broken bulbs? 7.50 plus tax.
On the fourth day of Catmas, my kitten broke for me...
A statue in my Lenox Nativity. Would you believe two Wise men plus a head? Lenox nativity figurines: $55.99
On the fifth day of Catmas, my kitten scratched for me...
The kid across the street who collects for charity. It was an accident. He merely wanted to reach out and touch someone. Unfortunately, he used a unsheathed claw to do so. I settled out-of-court for the cost of a jacket to replace the boy's blood-stained one and a hefty donation to the charity of their choice. Although the amount must remain secret according to our settlement, let me put it this way. You haven't seen many soldiers for the Salvation Army this year, have you? Think: Major Windfall!
On the sixth day of Catmas, my kitten opened for me...
The presents beneath my Catmas tree. It was only two, really. While doing some early shopping at a discount store, I purchased a catnip mouse for Spooky's stocking. Apparently, anything in the same bag as catnip takes on its potent aroma for a very long time. Replacement costs: $3.99 for another roll of Catmas wrapping paper, $4.50 for two empty boxes, $1 each for the kind of bows Spooky can't unravel.
On the seventh day of Catmas, my kitten lost for me...
The earrings I bought for my sister. Actually, it was one earring but since she doesn't have a hole in her nose or navel, a pair of matching earrings does make a more appealing gift. Sale price: $29.95 plus tax.
On the eighth day of Catmas, my kitten helped me...
Replace my E and G guitar strings. Would you believe a kitten could fit into the itty-bitty hole in the middle of my Yamaha guitar? Neither could I, but Spooky thought so. And he succeeded once he got those rascally strings out of the way. Unfortunately, his little rear end couldn't get out the way it came in. After paying through the whiskers for his previous escapades, I would have been willing to leave him in the guitar for the duration of the holiday season, except that he chose to get stuck two hours before I was due at the nursing home for our annual Christmas carol sing-a-long. Set of steel guitar strings: $12.95; jar of petroleum jelly: 79 cents.
On the ninth day of Catmas, my kitten destroyed for me...
My Catmas card list when he walked across my computer's delete key. Cost for call to Computer Country's 900/help line: $17.50. And I still don't know what happened to the listings of B through H.
On the tenth day of Catmas, my kitten hid from me.....
The remote control from my 13-inch TV. This wouldn't be such a disaster if he hadn't previously stolen the power knob. I missed a week's worth of Catmas specials, including my all-time favorite, "It's a Wonderful Life." Rental of "It's a Wonderful Life": $2; purchase of book, "Good owners, great cats": $24.95. Unfortunately, it never mentions the psychological profile of kittens with kleptomania.
On the eleventh day of Catmas, my kitten ate for me.....
The drumsticks off my 19-pound turkey. Okay, Okay! So this one time it was my fault. I knew I never should have uttered those now infamous words: "Your first turkey, Spooky. Want to try just a little piece?" Cost: Catmas Dinner.
On the twelfth day of Catmas...
Spooky rested. And so, thank the gods, did my Credit Card...
'Twas the Night Before Catmas:
'Twas the night before Catmas and all through MY house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...(I ate it).
My kitty stocking was hung by the cat door with care,
In hopes that Santa Claws soon would be there;
The humans were nestled all snug in their beds,
While we cats in the darkness danced on their heads;
Big Owner in his "sleepy's", and me his loyal cat,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out in the 'hood there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to four paws to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Eating curtains and shades, (I threw up the sash).
The street lamp outside shined eerily below,
Maybe two cats fighting? Paw to paw, blow-by-blow?
No, wait! What my sharp kitty eyes should detect,
But a miniature cat box, and that Devonshire Rex.
A little old driver, all hairy with paws,
I knew in an instant it must be Santa Claws.
More rapid than hairballs his coursers they came,
And he howled, he meowed, he called them by name;
"Now, BOMBAY! now, BIRMAN! RAGDOLL and BURMESE!
On, PIXIE-BOB! on KORAT! on, PERSIAN and SIAMESE!"
To the top of the fence! To the top of the tree!
My felines are awaiting, they are all purring!"
As dry heaves that before the wild furballs fly,
When he meets with an obstacle, they jump to the sky,
So over my shingles the kitties they flew,
With the carriage full of cat morsels, and Santa Claws too.
With a turn of my ear, I heard on the roofpole,
the scratching and clawing of each kitty's sole.
I drew in my head, and was spinning around,
When through the cat door Santa Claws did abound.
A long hair in fur, of course, from head to foot,
And his hairs were all shiny, well coiffured, nicely put.
A bundle of cat toys he had flung on his back,
You'd swear he was pedigree just him with his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His whiskers how bold!
His cheek hairs so soft, his nose...oh, how cold!
He shed not a hair, each strand in its place
The most famous of all of the proud feline race.
The stump of some cat nip he held tight in his teeth,
Its aroma encircling his head like a wreath;
An imposing cat with the biggest belly in history,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of Friskies.
A grimalkin of breed, a right jolly old cat!
Did I say grimalkin, how could I think that!
A twitch of the whisker and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He mewed not a sound, but went straight to his work,
Filled my stockings with kitty treats; then turned with a jerk,
And laying a talon aside of his nose,
After giving a nod, out the cat door he goes;
He sprang to his cat box, to his team gave "MEOW!"
And away they all flew, like the wind they did howl.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"MEOWY CATMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!"
Wrapping Presents 101 for Cat Owners:
01. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
02. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
03. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
04. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
05. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
06. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
07. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
08. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
09. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year; you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
On the twelfth day of Catmas my human gave to me:
Twelve bags of catnip!
Eleven tarter Pounce treats,
Ten ornaments hanging,
Nine wads of Kleenex,
Eight peacock feathers,
Seven stolen Q-tips,
Six feathered balls,
Five MILK JUG RINGS!
Four munchy house plants,
Three running faucets,
Two fuzzy mousies,
And a hamster in a plastic ball!!
A Cat's Favorite Catmas Carols:
Away in a Basement
Bark, The Dopey Doggie Sings
Cats Rule the World
Celebrate Catmas!
Claws on the Rooftop
Fluffy, the Snowman
God Rest Ye Napping Kitty-Cats
Have Yourself a Furry Little Catmas
I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claws
Jingley Balls
Joy to the Curled
O’ Come All Ye Selfish
Purring All The Way
Silent Mice
The First Meow
‘Twas the Night Before Catmas
Up on the Mouse-top
We Wish You a Merry Catmas
Wreck the Halls!
A Kitten's 12 Days of Holiday Mischief:
On the first day of Catmas, my kitten ruined for me...A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Spooky climbed onto the table, poked his paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter.... Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Catmas, my kitten accompanied me....
On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Spooky had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly *tail* in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at it with a pair of tweezers.
On the third day of Catmas, my kitten wrecked for me...
13 ornaments on my Catmas tree. My mistake was forgetting to chain the decorations to the branches. My other error was leaving the room to go to the bathroom while Spooky feigned sleeping under the tree. How was I to know the kitten was actually measuring its climbing potential? Value of broken bulbs? 7.50 plus tax.
On the fourth day of Catmas, my kitten broke for me...
A statue in my Lenox Nativity. Would you believe two Wise men plus a head? Lenox nativity figurines: $55.99
On the fifth day of Catmas, my kitten scratched for me...
The kid across the street who collects for charity. It was an accident. He merely wanted to reach out and touch someone. Unfortunately, he used a unsheathed claw to do so. I settled out-of-court for the cost of a jacket to replace the boy's blood-stained one and a hefty donation to the charity of their choice. Although the amount must remain secret according to our settlement, let me put it this way. You haven't seen many soldiers for the Salvation Army this year, have you? Think: Major Windfall!
On the sixth day of Catmas, my kitten opened for me...
The presents beneath my Catmas tree. It was only two, really. While doing some early shopping at a discount store, I purchased a catnip mouse for Spooky's stocking. Apparently, anything in the same bag as catnip takes on its potent aroma for a very long time. Replacement costs: $3.99 for another roll of Catmas wrapping paper, $4.50 for two empty boxes, $1 each for the kind of bows Spooky can't unravel.
On the seventh day of Catmas, my kitten lost for me...
The earrings I bought for my sister. Actually, it was one earring but since she doesn't have a hole in her nose or navel, a pair of matching earrings does make a more appealing gift. Sale price: $29.95 plus tax.
On the eighth day of Catmas, my kitten helped me...
Replace my E and G guitar strings. Would you believe a kitten could fit into the itty-bitty hole in the middle of my Yamaha guitar? Neither could I, but Spooky thought so. And he succeeded once he got those rascally strings out of the way. Unfortunately, his little rear end couldn't get out the way it came in. After paying through the whiskers for his previous escapades, I would have been willing to leave him in the guitar for the duration of the holiday season, except that he chose to get stuck two hours before I was due at the nursing home for our annual Christmas carol sing-a-long. Set of steel guitar strings: $12.95; jar of petroleum jelly: 79 cents.
On the ninth day of Catmas, my kitten destroyed for me...
My Catmas card list when he walked across my computer's delete key. Cost for call to Computer Country's 900/help line: $17.50. And I still don't know what happened to the listings of B through H.
On the tenth day of Catmas, my kitten hid from me.....
The remote control from my 13-inch TV. This wouldn't be such a disaster if he hadn't previously stolen the power knob. I missed a week's worth of Catmas specials, including my all-time favorite, "It's a Wonderful Life." Rental of "It's a Wonderful Life": $2; purchase of book, "Good owners, great cats": $24.95. Unfortunately, it never mentions the psychological profile of kittens with kleptomania.
On the eleventh day of Catmas, my kitten ate for me.....
The drumsticks off my 19-pound turkey. Okay, Okay! So this one time it was my fault. I knew I never should have uttered those now infamous words: "Your first turkey, Spooky. Want to try just a little piece?" Cost: Catmas Dinner.
On the twelfth day of Catmas...
Spooky rested. And so, thank the gods, did my Credit Card...
'Twas the Night Before Catmas:
'Twas the night before Catmas and all through MY house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...(I ate it).
My kitty stocking was hung by the cat door with care,
In hopes that Santa Claws soon would be there;
The humans were nestled all snug in their beds,
While we cats in the darkness danced on their heads;
Big Owner in his "sleepy's", and me his loyal cat,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out in the 'hood there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to four paws to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Eating curtains and shades, (I threw up the sash).
The street lamp outside shined eerily below,
Maybe two cats fighting? Paw to paw, blow-by-blow?
No, wait! What my sharp kitty eyes should detect,
But a miniature cat box, and that Devonshire Rex.
A little old driver, all hairy with paws,
I knew in an instant it must be Santa Claws.
More rapid than hairballs his coursers they came,
And he howled, he meowed, he called them by name;
"Now, BOMBAY! now, BIRMAN! RAGDOLL and BURMESE!
On, PIXIE-BOB! on KORAT! on, PERSIAN and SIAMESE!"
To the top of the fence! To the top of the tree!
My felines are awaiting, they are all purring!"
As dry heaves that before the wild furballs fly,
When he meets with an obstacle, they jump to the sky,
So over my shingles the kitties they flew,
With the carriage full of cat morsels, and Santa Claws too.
With a turn of my ear, I heard on the roofpole,
the scratching and clawing of each kitty's sole.
I drew in my head, and was spinning around,
When through the cat door Santa Claws did abound.
A long hair in fur, of course, from head to foot,
And his hairs were all shiny, well coiffured, nicely put.
A bundle of cat toys he had flung on his back,
You'd swear he was pedigree just him with his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His whiskers how bold!
His cheek hairs so soft, his nose...oh, how cold!
He shed not a hair, each strand in its place
The most famous of all of the proud feline race.
The stump of some cat nip he held tight in his teeth,
Its aroma encircling his head like a wreath;
An imposing cat with the biggest belly in history,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of Friskies.
A grimalkin of breed, a right jolly old cat!
Did I say grimalkin, how could I think that!
A twitch of the whisker and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He mewed not a sound, but went straight to his work,
Filled my stockings with kitty treats; then turned with a jerk,
And laying a talon aside of his nose,
After giving a nod, out the cat door he goes;
He sprang to his cat box, to his team gave "MEOW!"
And away they all flew, like the wind they did howl.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"MEOWY CATMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!"
Wrapping Presents 101 for Cat Owners:
01. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
02. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
03. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
04. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
05. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
06. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
07. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
08. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
09. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year; you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
10 December, 2008
Today is International Day Without a GAY!!!
We are calling for a nationwide strike and economic boycott by all Gays, Lesbian, bisexual, transgender, Intersex, Queer, Questioning, AND OUR STRAIGHT ALLIES on December 10th, 2008, International Human Rights Day.
WHY?
Because LGBT workers, business owners, consumers and taxpayers contribute over $700 billion to the U.S. economy each year and should not be treated as second class citizens.
Because general strikes and economic boycotts are a powerful weapon in the history of non-violent protests. See http://www.pbs.org/now/society/boycott.html.
Because marriage should be a Right for all Americans, including gay men and lesbians, regardless of gender, race OR religion.
Because until ALL are equal, NONE are equal.
HOW?
1. Strike: call in gay, shut down your business, take the day off. While this may be a burden, we must be willing to make sacrifices in our fight for equal rights, including the right to marry.
2. Boycott: don't buy or spend to show how much the LGBT dollar supports the American economy.
3. Volunteer: show the world that our message is about love, not discrimination. See www.daywithoutagay.org <http://www.daywithoutagay.org/> for a list of volunteer opportunities.
4. Communicate: spread the word. We need everyone's support.
For more information or to sign up, see the following:Day without a Gay http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=38177567454
DAYS WITHOUT GAYS ( http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=32387329669) <http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=32387329669%29>
JOINTHEIMPACT.COM <http://jointheimpact.com/>
DAYWITHOUTAGAY.NET <http://daywithoutagay.net/>
GAYS ON STRIKE (also on Facebook)
WHY THE NAME "A DAY WITHOUT GAYS"? We were inspired by the film A DAY WITHOUT A MEXICAN and the nationwide strike in 2006 called A DAY WITHOUT IMMIGRANTS, which were attempts by Latinos and other immigrants for equal rights and employment non-discrimination.
CALL IN GAY DECEMBER 10th 2008!!!! Calling all queers! We are sending out a call to all "our people" and our allies to rally together and "call out gay." In response to the hateful and disheartening news about proposition 8 in California we are calling all our friends, family, allies, people who voted no, people who believe we should all have the same rights, people who believe that taking away rights is unjust and wrong! CALL IN GAY ON DECEMBER 10 2008. It's a Wednesday, stay home, go to parks, find things free to do in your town, be with your community! CALL IN GAY!!!!!!!
09 December, 2008
I Suddenly Have the DREADFUL Urge To Be Merry... (Grumble, Grumble!!!)
Christmas Lights - TSO - Christmas Eve in Sarajevo - 2007 ... 54000+ lights synchronized to Trans-Siberian Orchestra's song Christmas Eve in Sarajevo (or sometimes referred to as Carol Of The Bells). Visit http://www.neverenoughlights.com/ for more info.
FINALLY!!! X-mas music that I can relate too!
(I worked at Tower Records for 5 years back in the 1980's and all I heard from the day before "Turkey-Murder" Day until the day after New Year - was horrific X-mas music!).
I'm actually surprised that I never lost my hair or accidentially overdosed on either illegal or prescription drugs! LOL!!! Anyway, enjoy!
AML,
~D~
And here's an early present for you...
Banned Underwear Commercial - from Australia with a hot guy undressing!
Okay, so now for a bit more of the TSO...
This is "Wizards in Winter" - by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
http://www.friscochristmas.com/ - Christmas light display in Frisco, TX
http://www.vaderville.com/ Christmas Lights Synchronized to Transiberian Orchestra Nutcracker Suite The Mad Russian.
FINALLY!!! X-mas music that I can relate too!
(I worked at Tower Records for 5 years back in the 1980's and all I heard from the day before "Turkey-Murder" Day until the day after New Year - was horrific X-mas music!).
I'm actually surprised that I never lost my hair or accidentially overdosed on either illegal or prescription drugs! LOL!!! Anyway, enjoy!
AML,
~D~
And here's an early present for you...
Banned Underwear Commercial - from Australia with a hot guy undressing!
Okay, so now for a bit more of the TSO...
This is "Wizards in Winter" - by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
http://www.friscochristmas.com/ - Christmas light display in Frisco, TX
http://www.vaderville.com/ Christmas Lights Synchronized to Transiberian Orchestra Nutcracker Suite The Mad Russian.
08 December, 2008
In Mexico, Beyond Gay and Straight
This is from my good friend, Bob who said: "This is something this country should listen too and wake up to"!!!
Please click on the title of the post for the link...
AML,
~D~
Please click on the title of the post for the link...
AML,
~D~
04 December, 2008
03 December, 2008
01 December, 2008
30 November, 2008
27 November, 2008
MARGARITAS…
AN IMPORTANT HEALTH ISSUE FOR WOMEN,
(And some Gay Men – LOL!)…
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.
Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.
Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.
Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include:
- Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of ability to say “no”
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke
WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
This has been a public service announcement by the Margarita society of the United States.
Please drink responsibly, and fold your clothes as you remove them so they don’t get wrinkled!
(And some Gay Men – LOL!)…
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.
Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.
Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.
Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include:
- Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of ability to say “no”
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke
WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
This has been a public service announcement by the Margarita society of the United States.
Please drink responsibly, and fold your clothes as you remove them so they don’t get wrinkled!
26 November, 2008
25 November, 2008
Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
*Special thanks to my " 'Lil Sis " Audrey for emailing me this... Here's a link to both her Website & her blog: http://web.me.com/audreymichelle/Audrey_Michelle_Photography/
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
*Special thanks to my " 'Lil Sis " Audrey for emailing me this... Here's a link to both her Website & her blog: http://web.me.com/audreymichelle/Audrey_Michelle_Photography/
24 November, 2008
The Big "G" Finest Moments!
Godzilla , King of the Monsters
Here he is in all his glory - some of his BEST scenes on film since 1954! He just gets better looking each year! But unfortunately, we're all waiting for a "grande finale" as he abruptly ended his film career in 2005 - with no rhyme or reason! "WE MISS YOU G!!!"
23 November, 2008
Kitty Cats and Roombas Don't Mix
Or do they?
I MUST GET ONE FOR MY SPOOKS!!!
LOL!!! Hope you enjoyed!
AML,
~D~
I MUST GET ONE FOR MY SPOOKS!!!
LOL!!! Hope you enjoyed!
AML,
~D~
Obama Opera... LOL!!!
For those of you who enjoy Opera - you'll love this - it's truly hilarious! Everyone else, just ignore the Italian and follow the story - it's well worth it!
L'Obama, ossia L'Avvento del Messia
Opera in Tre Atti
Personaggi:
Barracco Obama, Il Messia, Redentore del Mondo.....................................Tenore Miracoloso
Santa Micaela della Revoluzione, sua sposa............................................Soprano AmaroGiovanni Maccheno, Senatore, Avversario dello Obama..............................Basso Buffo
Sara Palino, Governatrice del Alaska e Reginetta di Bellezza........................Coloratura Buffa Guglielmo Priapo, Ex-Presidente........................................................Tenore Mentitore
Hillaria, sua Sposa, altra Avversaria dello Obama....................................Soprano Ambizioso
Elena Tomasso, una strega..............................................................Contralto Venenoso
Giuseppe Bideno, "Piedimbocca"......................................................Tenore BuffoI
Spirito di Giorgio Secondo, L'Abominazione........................................Baritono CattivoI
Spirito di Ruscio Limbago, Bocca Grande............................................Basso Noioso
Jeremia Ritto, un uomo pazzo, pastore dello Obama.................................Basso
Demagogico Guglielmo Ayers, terroristo Americano, amico dello Obama.........................Tenore Anarchico
Un Sempliciotto............................................................................Tenore Profetica
Il Popolo, La Media Elite, Il Mondo, Il Congresso, Terroristi.
ATTO PRIMO
La Piazza del Cattedrale di Washington.
It is the day after the election. Outside the Washington Cathedral, the People and La Media Elite celebrate the victory of Barracco Obama over his adversary, Giovanni Maccheno (Coro: "Esultate! Il Messia è venuto!"). The World enters and joins The People in their celebration, singing their own chorus rejoicing in the fact that Obama's election will hasten the demise of American power and influence ("America è in debolezza, evviva!") The two choruses swell and merge in a powerful contrapuntal choral episode. As the chorus reaches its climax, trumpets herald the arrival of Lord Obama the Most Merciful, who enters with his wife, Santa Micaela della Revoluzione and his retinue. The crowd becomes frenzied, with some falling in a swoon ("Obama! Obama! Redentore del Mondo! Io manco!"). Obama heals two lepers and resurrects the dead daughter of a Washington policeman. He then addresses the crowd ("Nel posar sul mio capo la corona"). At the sound of his voice, the crowd falls silent, gazing up at him with adoring, vacant expressions. In an eloquent aria, Obama promises that the dark days of the Tyrant, Giorgio Secondo, are over ("Dopo si lunga notte") and a new Golden Age will dawn for the world under his rule ("Un siglo d'oro è venuto"): the economy shall heal, America's enemies shall beat their bomb jackets into plowshares, the lame shall walk, there will be a chicken in every pot, the whole world shall have universal health care, all the prisoners in Guantanamo Bay will be released, and planes shall arrive and take off on schedule. Each stanza of this great aria is punctuated by the chorus ("Ohmmm! Salvatore!") At its conclusion, Obama invites The People and The World to a celebration at which he will personally change the water into wine and feed the guests with seven croissants and five grande lattes. He enters the cathedral for his coronation, followed by the crowd.
From the right, Giovanni Maccheno and Sara Palino enter the deserted piazza. Giovanni laments his loss of the election to Barracco Obama ("O mia vergogna!"). In a rambling, boring monologue sung in a monotone, he recites his brave history on the battlefield ("Si, fui soldato!") and wonders why this was not enough to get him elected 30 years later. In a lilting refrain ("Tu sei troppo vecchio"), Sara Palino suggests that it might be because he's a worn-out old has-been with the excitement level of a rusty AAA battery. She reminds him of her own qualifications for Vice-President ("Può vedere Russia dalla mia casa") and what a help she has been to him. To cheer him up, the perky Sara launches into one of the best known arias in the score, the brilliant coloratura Polonaise "Io son Regina di Bellezza," in which she sings of her experience as a beauty pageant contestant. But Giovanni is inconsolable: in a touching duet, he and Sara lament how they will now have to go wandering across the country, begging for speaking engagements ("Andrem raminghi è poveri"). Suddenly Giovanni hears someone approaching ("Ohimé, s'appressa alcun!") and he and Sara hide behind a column.
From the left enter former President Guglielmo Priapo and his termagant wife, Hillaria. Hillaria is furious over her defeat at the hands of L'Obama in the primaries. In a passionate outburst ranging up to a shrill, wobbly high C, she rages that the Prize was within her grasp ("È mio! È tutto mio!"), but she was betrayed by La Media Elite who abandoned her for un altro amore. Must she live to see this upstart novice on the throne while she languishes in boring Senate committee meetings? Is it for this that she has suffered public humiliation and eaten shit sandwiches served by her husband for the past 35 years? No, it is too much! (È troppo! non reggo! soffoco!") Gugliemo counsels patience: her day will come, and L'Obama will overreach himself. He tells Hillaria that he has a plan to get them both back in la Casa Bianca, where she can rule while he chases interns. Just then he spots Guglielmo and Sara off to the side, and he begins to make a move on Sara. He tells her she is a real babe, and this develops into the famous Quartet, "Bella figlia dell'Alaska:" Guglielmo tries to grope Sara; Sara tells him a joke about lipstick on pitbulls; Hillaria sings that her day of vengeance will come; and Guglielmo stutters, in repetitive phrases, how Obama will raise everyone's taxes and endanger national security.
When the Quartet ends, the crowd surges out of the cathedral, proclaiming the new Messiah, followed by L'Obama in full regalia. A powerful concluding ensemble ensues: The People, the World and La Media Elite acclaim L'Obama; Barracco heals a lame man and exults in his new power; Giovanni Maccheno whines about the ingratitude of the American People while Sara Palino practices her baton twirling; Guglielmo plans that evening's rendezvous with his new cutie, while Hillaria plots her comeback. Unnoticed in the background, a small group of Islamic terrorists rejoice in Obama's election. Everyone then exits to follow Obama to the Reflecting Pool which he will walk on down the Mall to meet Il Congresso at Il Capitole.
The piazza is deserted and silent once more. Now enters the Simpleton, a crazy homeless man pushing a shopping cart filled with old newspapers. He sings a keening lament, weeping for the Motherland and the bitter years that lie ahead.
Cada il sipario lentamente.
ATTO SECONDO
Scena Primo: L'Offizia di Hillaria nel Capitole.
Hillaria is meeting with Guglielmo Priapo. She berates him for avoiding her and doing nothing to bring her any closer to la Casa Bianca ("Perché mi sfuggi?") Two years have past, and she is still sitting in interminable committee meetings and having to pretend that she wants Obama to succeed! When is Guglielmo going to stop porking her pages and do something? Guglielmo replies that the two years have not exactly been wasted ("Deh, pensate!"): the hated, deposed Giorgio Secondo is dead, having been torn limb from limb by grieving war widows, mothers and children while he was giving a speech to a veteran's organization. Things have been going badly for Lord Obama as well, and Il Popolo are getting restless. The opportunity is ripening. And as an additional bonus, Ruscio Limbago has been driven from the airwaves by the revival of the Fairness Doctrine, which Obama has used to silence all effective opposition to him on radio and television. With no outlet for his hot air, Limbago floated off somewhere like an untethered balloon into the ether, presumably to his death. But Hillaria is not to be deterred: when is Guglielmo going to do something? ("Basta di parlare! Azione io voglio!") Guglielmo responds that he has done something: since Hillaria wants to know the future, he has arranged for the ancient Washington hag, Elena Tomasso, to visit Hillaria that very afternoon and tell her the future. Just at that moment, there is a knock on the door. Guglielmo leaves and Elena Tomasso enters, a hideous old woman with a tongue that drips poison.
Hillaria demands to know what the future holds for her ("Parlami dal futuro!"). In the impressive aria, "Re dell'abisso," Tomasso summons the spirit of Giorgio Secondo. His horrible visage rises from the floor, with bloody hands holding his very small brain. Giorgio demands to know who has summoned him and bemoans his fate in the afterlife ("Mal per me!"): condemned to be waterboarded enternally while his entrails are unwound and used to re-fence the ranch in Crawford. Hillaria demands to know her future ("Dimmi, o spirito!"). Giorgio replies in sepulchral tones that she has to ask one more powerful than him. To her horror, he summons the spirit of Ruscio Limbago, a disembodied fat head with a mouth twice normal size. In an eerie prophecy ("O Hillaria, Hillaria, Hillaria!") Limbago tells Hillaria that she will be L'Obama's successor, and that his days are numbered. But her reign will be as scandal-plagued as was her husband's, she will accomplish nothing of note, and she will die the same frustrated, bitter woman that she is. With a final cry of "Dittos!", the head of Limbago disappears in thunder and lightening. Hillaria, elated by the first part of the prophecy ("O lieto augurio!"), fails to hear the second part. Elena gives Hillaria a magic dagger, which she is to plunge into Obama's back when the opportunity presents itself. In an exultant cabaletta, Hillaria rejoices with the dagger ("O, acciar!"), while in pertichini Elena Tomasso mutters that this woman is nuts ("È una pazzarella!") and that she wants to stay as far away from her as possible.
Scena Secondo: L'Offiza Ovale nella Casa Bianca.
The Secretary of Education, Guglielmo Ayers, and Jeremia Ritto, the Commissar of Culture and Obama's spiritual advisor, are discussing the state of the administration. Ayers asks where Lord Obama is ("Obama d'ové?). Ritto replies that he is returning from his daily walk on the Potomac but that he has been delayed by having to drive some demons out of a herd of swine. Ayers notes that conditions in the country have been worsening and the people will soon be ready for The Revolution. In a buffo duet ("Un segreto d'importanza"), Ayers sings of his secret plan to radicalize kindergartners, while Ritto keeps up a steady contrapuntal patter ("God Damn America! God Damn America").
Lord Obama enters and after kissing his ring, Ritto and Ayers leave. Obama is in a foul mood, and he curses a rubber plant which promptly withers. Obama slumps at his desk and in the powerful monologue, "I have attained supreme power," he laments the how his dreams and hopes have turned sour. The economy has worsened, and famine stalks the land. A new terrorist attack has killed thousands, led by a jihadist Obama ordered released from Gitmo because his constitutional rights were being violated. The disillusioned, disappointed People are starting to curse his name, and lewd graffiti about Micaela has started to appear in the subways. He starts to pray for guidance ("Gran Dio, soccorrimi!") but stops when he remembers that religious activity of any kind on Federal property is now a criminal offense. He launches into a tuneful arietta about the futility of life ("Ho bastante di niente"). Micaela enters and begins to nag Obama about his failure to turn American into a Worker's Paradise ("La revoluzione dov'é?") Seeing his glum mood, she tries to cheer him up ("Mio caro sposino") and urges him to announce a new initiative at the upcoming State of the Union address. Encouraged by Micaela's words, Obama joins her in an exultant duet ("Ora di gloria s'appressa!) as the curtain falls.
ATTO TERZOI
Capitole: la Camera della Casa dei Rappresentativi.
The Chamber is divided into two groups: I Repubblicani on one side, and I Democrati on the other. This is the famous "Coro dei Partisani" - the Repubblicani sing how, after four years in the minority, they are nothing but a bunch of impotent weasels ("Sono donnole impotente). The Democrati mock the Repubblicani for not even being able to sustain a filibuster ("Ha! Ha! Ha! Non hanno di 40!") Up on the dais, the Parlatrice della Casa dei Rappresentativi, Nana Pelosi, and the Vice-President, Giovanni Bideno sit on their thrones. Nana Pelosi trills happily, while Giovanni Biden can only grunt ("Hmpf! Hmpf! Hmpf!") because after two years of progressively embarrassing gaffes, his foot is by now permanently implanted in his mouth. Giovanni Maccheno enters and sits with I Repubblicani, immediately putting the Senators on either side of him to sleep. Sara Palino sits in the balcony, primping for the cameras and doing her nails.
Lord Obama enters the chamber and the politicians crowd around him sycophantically. A woman touches the hem of his robe and is healed of an issue of blood. He progresses solemnly to the dais and begins his speech ("Ascoltami, Congresso!"). But no sooner has he begun to speak than the distant angry murmur of a crowd is heard approaching. The members of Congress all start in alarm ("Quai gridi!"). One of the Capitol police enters and announces, in frightened tones, that Il Popolo are approaching in an angry mob with scythes and pitchforks. L'Obama orders them to be admitted, and the mob rushes in ("Vendetta! Strage! Sterminio!"). They've had enough of two years of disappointment, failure and betrayal, and they want Real Change ("Vero cangia vogliamo!") Jeremia Ritto rushes around crazily, shouting "God Damn America!" L'Obama rebukes the crowd for its behaviour ("Quest'è dunque del Popolo la voce?"): didn't they just acclaim him as their Salvatore two years before? Fistfights break out between the Repubblicani and the Democrati.
In an impassioned plea, Obama calls for peace ("Plebe! Patrizi! Popolo!") Moved by his appeal, Il Popolo and Il Congresso quiet down. But just as L'Obama resumes his speech, a cry is heard ("Guarda nel balcone!"): Sara Palino has begun twirling flaming batons in the Gallery while singing an inane coloratura ditty ("Belle fiamme"). While all attention is focused on Sara, Hillaria dashes up to the dais and plunges the dagger into Obama's back ("Quest'è il bacio di Hillaria"). When attention returns to the front, everyone sees Hillaria standing where L'Obama was, rejoicing in her new-found power ("Salgo giä nel Presidencia aurata!") As everyone proclaims the new queen ("Regina tu sei!"), Sara Palino remarks on how her and Hillaria's plan worked after all, and announces that her agreed-upon reward is that in the new administration, she will be Secretary of State so that she can get some foreign policy experience for her Presidential run in 2012. The crowd reacts ("Orror! Orror! Orror!").
Cada il sipario rapidamente.
[Personnally, if someone would write the libretto for me - I would be more than happy to compose the score!]
L'Obama, ossia L'Avvento del Messia
Opera in Tre Atti
Personaggi:
Barracco Obama, Il Messia, Redentore del Mondo.....................................Tenore Miracoloso
Santa Micaela della Revoluzione, sua sposa............................................Soprano AmaroGiovanni Maccheno, Senatore, Avversario dello Obama..............................Basso Buffo
Sara Palino, Governatrice del Alaska e Reginetta di Bellezza........................Coloratura Buffa Guglielmo Priapo, Ex-Presidente........................................................Tenore Mentitore
Hillaria, sua Sposa, altra Avversaria dello Obama....................................Soprano Ambizioso
Elena Tomasso, una strega..............................................................Contralto Venenoso
Giuseppe Bideno, "Piedimbocca"......................................................Tenore BuffoI
Spirito di Giorgio Secondo, L'Abominazione........................................Baritono CattivoI
Spirito di Ruscio Limbago, Bocca Grande............................................Basso Noioso
Jeremia Ritto, un uomo pazzo, pastore dello Obama.................................Basso
Demagogico Guglielmo Ayers, terroristo Americano, amico dello Obama.........................Tenore Anarchico
Un Sempliciotto............................................................................Tenore Profetica
Il Popolo, La Media Elite, Il Mondo, Il Congresso, Terroristi.
ATTO PRIMO
La Piazza del Cattedrale di Washington.
It is the day after the election. Outside the Washington Cathedral, the People and La Media Elite celebrate the victory of Barracco Obama over his adversary, Giovanni Maccheno (Coro: "Esultate! Il Messia è venuto!"). The World enters and joins The People in their celebration, singing their own chorus rejoicing in the fact that Obama's election will hasten the demise of American power and influence ("America è in debolezza, evviva!") The two choruses swell and merge in a powerful contrapuntal choral episode. As the chorus reaches its climax, trumpets herald the arrival of Lord Obama the Most Merciful, who enters with his wife, Santa Micaela della Revoluzione and his retinue. The crowd becomes frenzied, with some falling in a swoon ("Obama! Obama! Redentore del Mondo! Io manco!"). Obama heals two lepers and resurrects the dead daughter of a Washington policeman. He then addresses the crowd ("Nel posar sul mio capo la corona"). At the sound of his voice, the crowd falls silent, gazing up at him with adoring, vacant expressions. In an eloquent aria, Obama promises that the dark days of the Tyrant, Giorgio Secondo, are over ("Dopo si lunga notte") and a new Golden Age will dawn for the world under his rule ("Un siglo d'oro è venuto"): the economy shall heal, America's enemies shall beat their bomb jackets into plowshares, the lame shall walk, there will be a chicken in every pot, the whole world shall have universal health care, all the prisoners in Guantanamo Bay will be released, and planes shall arrive and take off on schedule. Each stanza of this great aria is punctuated by the chorus ("Ohmmm! Salvatore!") At its conclusion, Obama invites The People and The World to a celebration at which he will personally change the water into wine and feed the guests with seven croissants and five grande lattes. He enters the cathedral for his coronation, followed by the crowd.
From the right, Giovanni Maccheno and Sara Palino enter the deserted piazza. Giovanni laments his loss of the election to Barracco Obama ("O mia vergogna!"). In a rambling, boring monologue sung in a monotone, he recites his brave history on the battlefield ("Si, fui soldato!") and wonders why this was not enough to get him elected 30 years later. In a lilting refrain ("Tu sei troppo vecchio"), Sara Palino suggests that it might be because he's a worn-out old has-been with the excitement level of a rusty AAA battery. She reminds him of her own qualifications for Vice-President ("Può vedere Russia dalla mia casa") and what a help she has been to him. To cheer him up, the perky Sara launches into one of the best known arias in the score, the brilliant coloratura Polonaise "Io son Regina di Bellezza," in which she sings of her experience as a beauty pageant contestant. But Giovanni is inconsolable: in a touching duet, he and Sara lament how they will now have to go wandering across the country, begging for speaking engagements ("Andrem raminghi è poveri"). Suddenly Giovanni hears someone approaching ("Ohimé, s'appressa alcun!") and he and Sara hide behind a column.
From the left enter former President Guglielmo Priapo and his termagant wife, Hillaria. Hillaria is furious over her defeat at the hands of L'Obama in the primaries. In a passionate outburst ranging up to a shrill, wobbly high C, she rages that the Prize was within her grasp ("È mio! È tutto mio!"), but she was betrayed by La Media Elite who abandoned her for un altro amore. Must she live to see this upstart novice on the throne while she languishes in boring Senate committee meetings? Is it for this that she has suffered public humiliation and eaten shit sandwiches served by her husband for the past 35 years? No, it is too much! (È troppo! non reggo! soffoco!") Gugliemo counsels patience: her day will come, and L'Obama will overreach himself. He tells Hillaria that he has a plan to get them both back in la Casa Bianca, where she can rule while he chases interns. Just then he spots Guglielmo and Sara off to the side, and he begins to make a move on Sara. He tells her she is a real babe, and this develops into the famous Quartet, "Bella figlia dell'Alaska:" Guglielmo tries to grope Sara; Sara tells him a joke about lipstick on pitbulls; Hillaria sings that her day of vengeance will come; and Guglielmo stutters, in repetitive phrases, how Obama will raise everyone's taxes and endanger national security.
When the Quartet ends, the crowd surges out of the cathedral, proclaiming the new Messiah, followed by L'Obama in full regalia. A powerful concluding ensemble ensues: The People, the World and La Media Elite acclaim L'Obama; Barracco heals a lame man and exults in his new power; Giovanni Maccheno whines about the ingratitude of the American People while Sara Palino practices her baton twirling; Guglielmo plans that evening's rendezvous with his new cutie, while Hillaria plots her comeback. Unnoticed in the background, a small group of Islamic terrorists rejoice in Obama's election. Everyone then exits to follow Obama to the Reflecting Pool which he will walk on down the Mall to meet Il Congresso at Il Capitole.
The piazza is deserted and silent once more. Now enters the Simpleton, a crazy homeless man pushing a shopping cart filled with old newspapers. He sings a keening lament, weeping for the Motherland and the bitter years that lie ahead.
Cada il sipario lentamente.
ATTO SECONDO
Scena Primo: L'Offizia di Hillaria nel Capitole.
Hillaria is meeting with Guglielmo Priapo. She berates him for avoiding her and doing nothing to bring her any closer to la Casa Bianca ("Perché mi sfuggi?") Two years have past, and she is still sitting in interminable committee meetings and having to pretend that she wants Obama to succeed! When is Guglielmo going to stop porking her pages and do something? Guglielmo replies that the two years have not exactly been wasted ("Deh, pensate!"): the hated, deposed Giorgio Secondo is dead, having been torn limb from limb by grieving war widows, mothers and children while he was giving a speech to a veteran's organization. Things have been going badly for Lord Obama as well, and Il Popolo are getting restless. The opportunity is ripening. And as an additional bonus, Ruscio Limbago has been driven from the airwaves by the revival of the Fairness Doctrine, which Obama has used to silence all effective opposition to him on radio and television. With no outlet for his hot air, Limbago floated off somewhere like an untethered balloon into the ether, presumably to his death. But Hillaria is not to be deterred: when is Guglielmo going to do something? ("Basta di parlare! Azione io voglio!") Guglielmo responds that he has done something: since Hillaria wants to know the future, he has arranged for the ancient Washington hag, Elena Tomasso, to visit Hillaria that very afternoon and tell her the future. Just at that moment, there is a knock on the door. Guglielmo leaves and Elena Tomasso enters, a hideous old woman with a tongue that drips poison.
Hillaria demands to know what the future holds for her ("Parlami dal futuro!"). In the impressive aria, "Re dell'abisso," Tomasso summons the spirit of Giorgio Secondo. His horrible visage rises from the floor, with bloody hands holding his very small brain. Giorgio demands to know who has summoned him and bemoans his fate in the afterlife ("Mal per me!"): condemned to be waterboarded enternally while his entrails are unwound and used to re-fence the ranch in Crawford. Hillaria demands to know her future ("Dimmi, o spirito!"). Giorgio replies in sepulchral tones that she has to ask one more powerful than him. To her horror, he summons the spirit of Ruscio Limbago, a disembodied fat head with a mouth twice normal size. In an eerie prophecy ("O Hillaria, Hillaria, Hillaria!") Limbago tells Hillaria that she will be L'Obama's successor, and that his days are numbered. But her reign will be as scandal-plagued as was her husband's, she will accomplish nothing of note, and she will die the same frustrated, bitter woman that she is. With a final cry of "Dittos!", the head of Limbago disappears in thunder and lightening. Hillaria, elated by the first part of the prophecy ("O lieto augurio!"), fails to hear the second part. Elena gives Hillaria a magic dagger, which she is to plunge into Obama's back when the opportunity presents itself. In an exultant cabaletta, Hillaria rejoices with the dagger ("O, acciar!"), while in pertichini Elena Tomasso mutters that this woman is nuts ("È una pazzarella!") and that she wants to stay as far away from her as possible.
Scena Secondo: L'Offiza Ovale nella Casa Bianca.
The Secretary of Education, Guglielmo Ayers, and Jeremia Ritto, the Commissar of Culture and Obama's spiritual advisor, are discussing the state of the administration. Ayers asks where Lord Obama is ("Obama d'ové?). Ritto replies that he is returning from his daily walk on the Potomac but that he has been delayed by having to drive some demons out of a herd of swine. Ayers notes that conditions in the country have been worsening and the people will soon be ready for The Revolution. In a buffo duet ("Un segreto d'importanza"), Ayers sings of his secret plan to radicalize kindergartners, while Ritto keeps up a steady contrapuntal patter ("God Damn America! God Damn America").
Lord Obama enters and after kissing his ring, Ritto and Ayers leave. Obama is in a foul mood, and he curses a rubber plant which promptly withers. Obama slumps at his desk and in the powerful monologue, "I have attained supreme power," he laments the how his dreams and hopes have turned sour. The economy has worsened, and famine stalks the land. A new terrorist attack has killed thousands, led by a jihadist Obama ordered released from Gitmo because his constitutional rights were being violated. The disillusioned, disappointed People are starting to curse his name, and lewd graffiti about Micaela has started to appear in the subways. He starts to pray for guidance ("Gran Dio, soccorrimi!") but stops when he remembers that religious activity of any kind on Federal property is now a criminal offense. He launches into a tuneful arietta about the futility of life ("Ho bastante di niente"). Micaela enters and begins to nag Obama about his failure to turn American into a Worker's Paradise ("La revoluzione dov'é?") Seeing his glum mood, she tries to cheer him up ("Mio caro sposino") and urges him to announce a new initiative at the upcoming State of the Union address. Encouraged by Micaela's words, Obama joins her in an exultant duet ("Ora di gloria s'appressa!) as the curtain falls.
ATTO TERZOI
Capitole: la Camera della Casa dei Rappresentativi.
The Chamber is divided into two groups: I Repubblicani on one side, and I Democrati on the other. This is the famous "Coro dei Partisani" - the Repubblicani sing how, after four years in the minority, they are nothing but a bunch of impotent weasels ("Sono donnole impotente). The Democrati mock the Repubblicani for not even being able to sustain a filibuster ("Ha! Ha! Ha! Non hanno di 40!") Up on the dais, the Parlatrice della Casa dei Rappresentativi, Nana Pelosi, and the Vice-President, Giovanni Bideno sit on their thrones. Nana Pelosi trills happily, while Giovanni Biden can only grunt ("Hmpf! Hmpf! Hmpf!") because after two years of progressively embarrassing gaffes, his foot is by now permanently implanted in his mouth. Giovanni Maccheno enters and sits with I Repubblicani, immediately putting the Senators on either side of him to sleep. Sara Palino sits in the balcony, primping for the cameras and doing her nails.
Lord Obama enters the chamber and the politicians crowd around him sycophantically. A woman touches the hem of his robe and is healed of an issue of blood. He progresses solemnly to the dais and begins his speech ("Ascoltami, Congresso!"). But no sooner has he begun to speak than the distant angry murmur of a crowd is heard approaching. The members of Congress all start in alarm ("Quai gridi!"). One of the Capitol police enters and announces, in frightened tones, that Il Popolo are approaching in an angry mob with scythes and pitchforks. L'Obama orders them to be admitted, and the mob rushes in ("Vendetta! Strage! Sterminio!"). They've had enough of two years of disappointment, failure and betrayal, and they want Real Change ("Vero cangia vogliamo!") Jeremia Ritto rushes around crazily, shouting "God Damn America!" L'Obama rebukes the crowd for its behaviour ("Quest'è dunque del Popolo la voce?"): didn't they just acclaim him as their Salvatore two years before? Fistfights break out between the Repubblicani and the Democrati.
In an impassioned plea, Obama calls for peace ("Plebe! Patrizi! Popolo!") Moved by his appeal, Il Popolo and Il Congresso quiet down. But just as L'Obama resumes his speech, a cry is heard ("Guarda nel balcone!"): Sara Palino has begun twirling flaming batons in the Gallery while singing an inane coloratura ditty ("Belle fiamme"). While all attention is focused on Sara, Hillaria dashes up to the dais and plunges the dagger into Obama's back ("Quest'è il bacio di Hillaria"). When attention returns to the front, everyone sees Hillaria standing where L'Obama was, rejoicing in her new-found power ("Salgo giä nel Presidencia aurata!") As everyone proclaims the new queen ("Regina tu sei!"), Sara Palino remarks on how her and Hillaria's plan worked after all, and announces that her agreed-upon reward is that in the new administration, she will be Secretary of State so that she can get some foreign policy experience for her Presidential run in 2012. The crowd reacts ("Orror! Orror! Orror!").
Cada il sipario rapidamente.
[Personnally, if someone would write the libretto for me - I would be more than happy to compose the score!]
Hi Folks!
So sorry I've been away for so long, but between being in the hospital for dangerously low blood-sodium levels, (that's what I get for swearing off human blood!), and being really busy as well as failing to pay for my internet connection during all that time... But I'm BAAAAACK!!! And better than ever! So look out world! I will gladly feast on the blood and entrails of those who would try to subdue me! MMMmmmmmm!!! Let's not forget the brains! LOL!!!
08 November, 2008
Sanguinarius Indefunctus
SANGUINARIUS INDEFUNCTUS
© DV8 2008
We are everywhere
We live
In every city
Every town
Every Country
The remotest places
You can think of
On this Earth
We thrive on
Your Fears
Your Nightmares
And Insecurities
We Exist
On nothing more
Than the thimble-full
Of life
That we take
From you
We are few
You are many
By the laws
Of nature
You are nothing
But a delicious
Red, flowing meal
For us
A writhing
Living vessel
Of hot flesh
And delicious blood
That we must
Devour whole
But that
Is not our way
We must preserve
Our kind
And so we feast
Upon you
Your Brethren
And your families
Secretly and you
Never even know
Unlike mankind
We never kill
Unnecessarily
We defend ourselves
But never kill
Wantonly and with
Complete abandon
Unless we have to
We are here
Will always be
Here with you
Amongst you
Watching you
Preying upon you
Entering your dreams
Feasting on your
Life’s essence
Forever
© DV8 2008
We are everywhere
We live
In every city
Every town
Every Country
The remotest places
You can think of
On this Earth
We thrive on
Your Fears
Your Nightmares
And Insecurities
We Exist
On nothing more
Than the thimble-full
Of life
That we take
From you
We are few
You are many
By the laws
Of nature
You are nothing
But a delicious
Red, flowing meal
For us
A writhing
Living vessel
Of hot flesh
And delicious blood
That we must
Devour whole
But that
Is not our way
We must preserve
Our kind
And so we feast
Upon you
Your Brethren
And your families
Secretly and you
Never even know
Unlike mankind
We never kill
Unnecessarily
We defend ourselves
But never kill
Wantonly and with
Complete abandon
Unless we have to
We are here
Will always be
Here with you
Amongst you
Watching you
Preying upon you
Entering your dreams
Feasting on your
Life’s essence
Forever
04 November, 2008
Obama Presidential Acceptance Speech
Nov. 4: In his acceptance speech in Chicago's Grant Park, Sen. Barack Obama challenged the crowd of more than 125,000 people!
Despite Michelle Obama's "Fashion Faux-Pas"! (Jeez that dress was horrible!). Her fashion consultantant MUST be Str8 - LOL!!! No Gay man would EVER have let her walk out on that stage in THAT dress! However, I'm straying from the subject... It was not only one of the most historic moments in US history, but also a brilliant and inspiring speech!
ALL HAIL PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!
Despite Michelle Obama's "Fashion Faux-Pas"! (Jeez that dress was horrible!). Her fashion consultantant MUST be Str8 - LOL!!! No Gay man would EVER have let her walk out on that stage in THAT dress! However, I'm straying from the subject... It was not only one of the most historic moments in US history, but also a brilliant and inspiring speech!
ALL HAIL PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!
31 October, 2008
HALLOWEEN
"Halloween"
© 2008 DV8
Witches, Bats and Howling Cats
Moaning Ghosts and Ghoulies...
Werewolves, Vampires and Zombies galore
Will flood the streets with blood and gore
You scream and fright but with delight
But after all - it's just Halloween night!
© 2008 DV8
Witches, Bats and Howling Cats
Moaning Ghosts and Ghoulies...
Werewolves, Vampires and Zombies galore
Will flood the streets with blood and gore
You scream and fright but with delight
But after all - it's just Halloween night!
29 October, 2008
Happy Halloween 2008!!!
Here's my second home made Video/Slide-show!!! YAY!!! Enjoy...
Sweet dreams... LOL!
The Music is by my Hero and Mentor, J.S. Bach: (Dorian) Toccatta in d minor, BWV 528.
Maybe next time I'll feature the Fugue if you're lucky! LOL!
AML,
~D~!
Sweet dreams... LOL!
The Music is by my Hero and Mentor, J.S. Bach: (Dorian) Toccatta in d minor, BWV 528.
Maybe next time I'll feature the Fugue if you're lucky! LOL!
AML,
~D~!
28 October, 2008
Currency At Rock Bottom
Please read the horrifying story in the link below. I think you'll agree - the financial crisis here in the US and rest of the Free World is just a pebble in the road compared to this boulder of trouble these people face.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/zimbabwe/3264644/Zimbabwe-shops-stop-accepting-local-currency.html
After you reading this, if you would like to help, please go to http://ecoafricasocialventures.org/ to make a donation. Thanks.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/zimbabwe/3264644/Zimbabwe-shops-stop-accepting-local-currency.html
After you reading this, if you would like to help, please go to http://ecoafricasocialventures.org/ to make a donation. Thanks.
26 October, 2008
Save The Bats!!!
Okay - It's Halloween week, and I'm making my mark here. We DESPERATELY need them, (my blessed BATS!!!), not only for insect control, but the pollination of our crops and fields! Everyone is sceaming about the Polar Bears - and yes - we need to help them too. But without my beloved bats, we'll ALL slowly starve to death! Don't believe me? Google it. I dare you! Bats, Bees and Hummingbirds are dying off by the millions every year! Without them to pollinate the crops, what will we eat? What will the livestock eat? Like I said, we'll all slowly starve to death. At least being burned up alive or drowning or even being eaten by a shark or tiger would be a much quicker death. PLEASE look this up on Google - you'll see it's all true.
Enough for today's Reality Check... I'll be back tomorrow with yet even more...
AML,
~D~
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=6116018
http://www.batconservation.org/
Enough for today's Reality Check... I'll be back tomorrow with yet even more...
AML,
~D~
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=6116018
http://www.batconservation.org/
25 October, 2008
20 October, 2008
"Night of the Living Jews" OMG! LOL!!!
Okay - I know I live in a Chassidic community, and I respect ALL people regardless of faith, colour, gender or sexual orientation... But this was too funny not to pass up. Yes, it not only sacrilegious, but almost a bit Anti-Semitic, yet so funny I almost peed myself I was laughing so hard! Incidentally - the director and producer of this film is Jewish - so that is the reason I have no problems posting this. Enjoy, and laugh to your hearts content!
PS: Special thanks to my great friend A.M. for sending this to me! LOVE YOU Sweetie!!! XOXOXOXOX!!!
AML,
~D~
PS: Special thanks to my great friend A.M. for sending this to me! LOVE YOU Sweetie!!! XOXOXOXOX!!!
AML,
~D~
19 October, 2008
Colin Powell Endorses Barack Obama for President
Former Secretary of State, General Colin Powell announced Sunday that he will be voting for Sen. Barack Obama, citing the Democrat's "ability to inspire" and the "inclusive nature of his campaign."
Wanda and The Vampire LOL!!!
From "In Living Color" Starring Jim Carey as The Vampire and Jamie Foxx as Wanda...
17 October, 2008
11 October, 2008
08 October, 2008
07 October, 2008
Beer and Classical Music?
A Creative Presentation by the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra. Conducted and Composed by Cezary Skubiszewski. They're playing the Victoria Bitter Beer commercial theme song on bottles of VB. Truly Brilliant!!!
Hope you enjoyed it! DV8
04 October, 2008
Kitties Rule!!!
The Two Talking Cats
The Translation of What They’re Saying
We have found Spookys Identical Twin Brother!!!
The Translation of What They’re Saying
We have found Spookys Identical Twin Brother!!!
02 October, 2008
The Magic Of GAY Love Suite
This is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!! Most people think that if you're gay, all you want is sex with other men/women - that couldn't be further from the truth. Not all gay men or women think the same however, but the majority of us, 99.9% of us just want a stable and trusting relationship where we can not only be ourselves but show our love without fear of repercussions. That other .01% are nothing but whores that give the rest of us a bad reputation and name.
Best Of Roman And Deniz
True "Brotherly Love"
This is so beautiful - two guys who absolutely love each other dearly. And PLEASE, don't think of it as incestuous, this is two men who have such a beautiful connection together that it is irrelevant as to the implications...
This is so beautiful - two guys who absolutely love each other dearly. And PLEASE, don't think of it as incestuous, this is two men who have such a beautiful connection together that it is irrelevant as to the implications...
01 October, 2008
J.S. Bach – My Favorite Composer
My favorite instrument is the Harpsichord and Bach wrote some of the best music for it ever in its history. While I personally love the sound and feel of playing it, there are many who don’t like it at all...
My dear friend A.M. once called it “a weapon”, and Sir Thomas Beecham (1879 - 1961) has been quoted at saying "It's like listening to skeletons copulating on a corrugated iron roof during a hail-storm!" LOL!!!
Anyway – I found this independent film on YouTube and thought I would share it. I had to post it even though it is in 10 parts. (It is also a little over an hour and-a-half long – so if you do, try to watch if on a rainy weekend). If you enjoy this as much as I did, you can get more info at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062804/
Actually, I never knew many of the things discussed/mentioned – I was never one for prying into the personal lives of my favorite composers, but he led such an interesting life!
“The Chronicle of Anna Magdalena Bach”
(First release at the 1968 New York Film Festival on 19, September 1968)
Directors: Danièle Huillet & Jean-Marie Straub
Writers: Danièle Huillet & Jean-Marie Straub
It is a black and white film from France in German with English subtitles... By the way that is the GREAT Gustav Leonhardt on Harpsichord, Clavichord and Organ also conducting the music.
Plot summary: A chronicle of Johann Sebastian Bach's life, the eschewing drama to focus almost entirely on his music. Narrated by his wife Anna in voiceover, it consists largely of static scenes of Bach conducting and/or playing his brilliant compositions.
Part 1: (09:59)
Part 2: (09:05)
Part 3: (10:09)
Part 4: (10:43)
Part 5: (07:42)
Part 6: (08:52)
Part 7: (09:42)
Part 8: (10:28)
Part 9: (09:26)
Part 10: (07:27)
My dear friend A.M. once called it “a weapon”, and Sir Thomas Beecham (1879 - 1961) has been quoted at saying "It's like listening to skeletons copulating on a corrugated iron roof during a hail-storm!" LOL!!!
Anyway – I found this independent film on YouTube and thought I would share it. I had to post it even though it is in 10 parts. (It is also a little over an hour and-a-half long – so if you do, try to watch if on a rainy weekend). If you enjoy this as much as I did, you can get more info at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062804/
Actually, I never knew many of the things discussed/mentioned – I was never one for prying into the personal lives of my favorite composers, but he led such an interesting life!
“The Chronicle of Anna Magdalena Bach”
(First release at the 1968 New York Film Festival on 19, September 1968)
Directors: Danièle Huillet & Jean-Marie Straub
Writers: Danièle Huillet & Jean-Marie Straub
It is a black and white film from France in German with English subtitles... By the way that is the GREAT Gustav Leonhardt on Harpsichord, Clavichord and Organ also conducting the music.
Plot summary: A chronicle of Johann Sebastian Bach's life, the eschewing drama to focus almost entirely on his music. Narrated by his wife Anna in voiceover, it consists largely of static scenes of Bach conducting and/or playing his brilliant compositions.
Part 1: (09:59)
Part 2: (09:05)
Part 3: (10:09)
Part 4: (10:43)
Part 5: (07:42)
Part 6: (08:52)
Part 7: (09:42)
Part 8: (10:28)
Part 9: (09:26)
Part 10: (07:27)
30 September, 2008
Sarah Silverman's HILARIOUS Obama Video: Watch and Love it
Sarah Silverman is urging Jewish grandchildren everywhere to fly to Florida and convince their grandparents to vote for Obama. This is part of a larger, real, effort called "The Great Schlep,".
Note: as with all things Sarah Silverman, this is incredibly non-PC, so easily offended beware. Enjoy!
Note: as with all things Sarah Silverman, this is incredibly non-PC, so easily offended beware. Enjoy!
Here's the original link: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/9/25/91356/3480/342/609860
26 September, 2008
Everything Is Clear Now...
This is from my good friend Joe from his best friend James...
I Love American Politics!!!
I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....
If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're 'exotic' and 'different.'
Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you're an American story.
If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, and you're a maverick.
Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, then you're well-grounded.
If you spend 3 years as a community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, help register 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, 8 years as a State Senator of a district of 750,000 people, chair the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people, sponsor 131 bills, and serve on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works, and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
If your resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town of 7,000 people, 2 years as governor of a state of 650,000 people, you're qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency.
If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, left your ill wife, and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including the use of birth control, you erode the fiber of American society.
If you staunchly advocate abstinence-only education, while your teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're responsible.
If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, you don't represent Americas family values.
If your husband is called 'First Dude', has a DWI conviction, didn't register to vote until 25, and was a member of a group that advocated secession of Alaska from the USA, yours is the quintessential American family.
And, finally, if you're famous for your quick temper, you're the one to have your finger on the red nuclear button.
OK, it's all so much clearer now…
(Are you frightened yet?).
I Love American Politics!!!
I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....
If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're 'exotic' and 'different.'
Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, you're an American story.
If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, and you're a maverick.
Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, then you're well-grounded.
If you spend 3 years as a community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, help register 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, 8 years as a State Senator of a district of 750,000 people, chair the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people, sponsor 131 bills, and serve on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works, and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
If your resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town of 7,000 people, 2 years as governor of a state of 650,000 people, you're qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency.
If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, left your ill wife, and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including the use of birth control, you erode the fiber of American society.
If you staunchly advocate abstinence-only education, while your teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're responsible.
If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, you don't represent Americas family values.
If your husband is called 'First Dude', has a DWI conviction, didn't register to vote until 25, and was a member of a group that advocated secession of Alaska from the USA, yours is the quintessential American family.
And, finally, if you're famous for your quick temper, you're the one to have your finger on the red nuclear button.
OK, it's all so much clearer now…
(Are you frightened yet?).
BACH ROCKS!!!
Bach - Harpsichord Concerto No.1 in D Minor BWV 1052
This IS the DEFINITIVE version of this piece as performed by Trevor Pinnock and the English Concert on period instruments.
1) Allegro
2) Adagio
3) Allegro
I hope you enjoyed this!
AML,
~D~
This IS the DEFINITIVE version of this piece as performed by Trevor Pinnock and the English Concert on period instruments.
1) Allegro
2) Adagio
3) Allegro
I hope you enjoyed this!
AML,
~D~
25 September, 2008
Sarah Palin... "Dril, Drill, Drill"
This was sent to me by a very dear friend, who DOES research his emails before sending them, so I'll trust that these facts are true. Though after reading it, how could I NOT believe?
AML,
~D~
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Meg Fitzgerald
Date: Wed, Sep 24, 2008 at 4:47 PM
Subject: Drill, Drill, Drill
To: undisclosed-recipients
Here is the original website, or the article is below:
http://particlesofnews.wordpress.com/2008/09/16/eve-ensler-on-sarah-palin/
So far the only thing I've read about her that I like is that she has a gun . . . the gun I'm OK with, other than that . . . not so much.
Please note, I am not looking to be beat up on this one, just passing along some interesting dialogue.
Meg
----------------------------------------------------------------
Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist best known for 'The Vagina Monologues', wrote the following about Sarah Palin.
Drill, Drill, Drill
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.
I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence
against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists. But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.' Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not. She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes. Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth. Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air. Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.' I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain. Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?
Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008
AML,
~D~
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Meg Fitzgerald
Date: Wed, Sep 24, 2008 at 4:47 PM
Subject: Drill, Drill, Drill
To: undisclosed-recipients
Here is the original website, or the article is below:
http://particlesofnews.wordpress.com/2008/09/16/eve-ensler-on-sarah-palin/
So far the only thing I've read about her that I like is that she has a gun . . . the gun I'm OK with, other than that . . . not so much.
Please note, I am not looking to be beat up on this one, just passing along some interesting dialogue.
Meg
----------------------------------------------------------------
Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist best known for 'The Vagina Monologues', wrote the following about Sarah Palin.
Drill, Drill, Drill
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.
I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence
against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists. But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.' Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not. She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes. Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth. Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air. Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.' I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain. Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?
Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008
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