Coming Out Of The Closet Advice

© 2009 http://www.breaktheillusion.com / Davey Wavey

Continuing our Tuesday’s Tips tradition, this week, we’ll focus on advice for guys and gals looking to come out of the closet. Each and every day, I get countless emails from people of all ages soliciting advice for their particular out-of-the-closet situation. While each situation is different, here are my general guidelines:

1) There is no “good” time to come out. If you’re waiting for the ideal moment to tell someone that you are gay, you may be waiting forever. There will never be a “good” time to come out; however, your heart will tell you when the time is right. At a certain moment, you’ll just have to bite the bullet and spill the beans.

2) But wait. Before you come out, establish a safety net. No one says you have to come out to everyone at once. Coming out is a process. Start by telling a few close friends or family members. Once they are comfortable with your declaration, gradually increase your circle. If you experience any challenges along the way, you’ll be able to fall back on the network of support that you have already built.

3) But wait. Before you tell anyone you are gay, try not to anticipate their response. I’ve learned that it is nearly impossible to predict the reactions of family members and friends. Their political leanings, religious affiliations and personal philosophies may serve as indicators at best, but will not predict their reaction. If you expect someone to react positively, you may be severely crestfallen when they don’t live up to your expectations.

4) But wait. Before you do all of that, realize that there is no rush to come out. You have your whole life ahead of you. You may be confused, and that’s just fine. We’re all confused. As my life’s hero recently said, “I am Deepak Chopra and I don’t know who I am, what I want, or what I want to be when I grow up.” There is no rush to adapt a label. And, there is no reason to adapt a label if it doesn’t feel right or true in your heart of hearts.

5) Now if you do feel ready to come out, and if you are currently in a relationship, consider holding back on the relationship information. Coming out is big enough - especially when dealing with family members. Some family members will unwisely look for someone to blame. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, that person becomes an easy target (especially if he or she is older). First, come out. Once they are comfortable with that, then share your relationship. Let’s take things one step at a time.

6) Use the internet. And I’m not talking manhunt or craigslist. Use the internet to find a local support group. PFLAG is great - there is probably a group that meets near your hometown. Become active. If you don’t currently have a network of support, it’s a great place to start.

7) Remember, you will get through this. As tough as things may seem, especially if close friends or family members react negatively, trust that you are strong, beautiful and powerful. Someday, you will look back at your coming out journey and smile, knowing that you are all the happier for having taken it.

For many of us, coming out of the closet and openly identifying as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, questioning or queer can be one of the greatest challenges we’ve faced. If, at any time, you feel overwhelmed by the challenge, please reach out to one of the many open arms before you. If you need help, visit The Trevor Project.

May your journey be one of self-discovery, love and compassion. Hopefully, there will be a few smiles, laughs, hugs, tears and even a cute guy (or girl) along the way.

*** Personal note from DV8ion – I hope this helps many people realize that they are NOT in anyway alone…